Saturday, February 17, 2007

gottfried

Stand still.
I am standing still.
Obviously, you are not, otherwise I wouldn’t have told you to.
Just do it already.
I will as soon as you stand still.

Is it ready?
Yes. Here, take a look.
Wow. Great. Are you sure it’s supposed to look like this?
D’oh. I saw it on tv.

http://www.helnwein.com

Friday, February 16, 2007

ah, the pain


she did thrive on the moments
of diving in melancholy,
royal depression and ailments
when all to her was folly.
the world would gun her down
her dreams, her life - disaster,
and fate had cast a frown
upon this sorrow master.


Sometimes she couldn’t be sympathetic of other man’s suffering. It’s not like she didn’t care, but the spotlight in her mind was primarily set to fall on her own precious pate, and any outside competition was anything but fairly dealt with. She would always win herself. So what if he said he was low? He was just spoiled. Her pain was real.
She could feel it every night, she would weep a little, careful not to be seen, but then boast about it the first chance she had. The hugs would not stop the cascade of sobs and she would even occasionally wring a little tear in the corner of her eye to express her being deeply hurt. It would make her feel good.
She would then act bravely, proclaim her emotional independence and her stepping into a brave new world of stability and strength and feminism. She wouldn’t go so far as burning her bra or anything, but she would feel even better about herself.
Then, it would dawn on her. This whole self-empowering, self-sufficiency, autonomy thing…was it not getting to the core of her fragile being? Had it not rotted her frail, poor heart to numbness? Something must be wrong, she used to feel. She must have turned to stone. From all that pain she had kept inside. Yes. The pain. She could feel it again. But that was good. That meant she was sane. And normal.
But the pain…ah, it hurt. She would cry on her girlfriend’s shoulder once again about it. It would make her feel better.
What was it that he said? He was low? Ha! He doesn’t know what low IS.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

of steak and man

tatăl meu despre a te ataşa de rock stars:

"e ca relaţia dintre un om şi friptura lui. friptura ţine la om, îl iubeşte?" :-<

Thursday, February 8, 2007

the magus

so cruel a book. i would paste other fragments too, but they are rather graphic. i shall forever remember nicholas's night with julie, though. here's a small fragment on smiles.

'A figure appeared in the door. It was Conchis. He came to where I hung from the frame, and stood in front of me. I closed my eyes. The pain in my arms drowned everything else.
I made a sort of groaning-growling noise through the gag. I did not know myself what it really meant to say: whether that I was in pain or that if I ever saw him again I would tear him limb from limb.
"I come to tell you that you are now elect."
I shook my head violently from side to side.
"You have no choice."
I still shook my head, but more wearily.
He stared at me, with those eyes that seemed older than one man's lifetime, and a little gleam of sympathy came into his expression, as if after all he had put too much pressure on a very thin lever.
"Learn to smile, Nicholas. Learn to smile."
It came to me that he meant something different by "smile" than I did; that the irony, the humorlessness, the ruthlessness I had always noticed in his smiling was a quality he deliberately inserted; that for him the smile was something essentially cruel, because freedom is cruel, because the freedom that makes us at least partly responsible for what we are is cruel. So that the smile was not so much an _attitude_ to be taken to life as the _nature_ of the cruelty of life, a cruelty we cannot even choose to avoid, since it is human existence. He meant something far stranger by "Learn to smile" than a Smilesian "Grin and bear it." If anything, it meant "Learn to be cruel, learn to be dry, learn to survive."
He gave the smallest of bows, one full of irony, of the contempt implicit in incongruous courtesy, then went.
As soon as he had gone, Anton came in with Adam and the other blackshirts. They undid the handcuffs and got my arms down. A long black pole two of the blackshirts were carrying was unrolled and I saw a stretcher. They forced me to lie down on it and once again my wrists were handcuffed to the sides. I could neither fight them nor beg them to stop. So I lay passively, with my eyes shut, to avoid seeing them. I smelt ether, felt very faintly the jab of a needle; and I willed the oblivion to come fast.'

do read the book. it will be worth reading all its 720 pages.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

smile.

How many smiles away is happiness? Are we there yet?
No, not there yet. Keep faking.

But it hurts, mummy. My cheeks are sinking in, they will soon be able to tell…
Come, sweetie. Don’t worry, mommy will take care of that. All you need to do is think happy thoughts. Here, think of… cotton candy.
Sticky, all-too-sweet, pink cotton candy?
Whatever you like, honey.
Mom! Look at me. Just once look at me! I hate cotton candy! Alright?
Now, don’t frown like that. People don’t like mean-looking kids. Be a nice little boy and show me your perfect pearly teeth. There you go… no, don’t grin like that!
I wish I had no mouth. No teeth. No lips. Just a hollow emptiness. I would be smiling AAAAL the time.
That’s nice, sweetie. Be a good boy, now. Take mommy’s hand.

Is happiness nice?
Sure it is. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.
Why is it so far, then?
What did I tell you about frowning? Better. We’re not far now.

What does it look like?
What does what look like?
Happiness.
I told you, like everything you’ve ever wanted.

All in one place?
Yes.
Neat.
Neat indeed.

Will daddy be there?
Huh?
Daddy, mommy. Will he be there?
If you want him to.
I do.

Mom?
Yes, sweetie.
It still hurts.
I’m sure it’s not far away.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

hand me down

Someday they'll find your small town world
On a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk
When they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of your shell
Cuz they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie
Better than the truth
They'll tell you everthing
You wanted someone else to say
They're gonna break your heart.

(matchbox twenty)

what Alice did

Monday, February 5, 2007

mama-mi zice ca sunt maniaaac...


dan mulţumind publicului bucureştean

publicul bucureştean







ce noapte...

on dreams.

visele frumoase sunt cele mai urâte. pentru că atunci când te trezeşti zâmbitor şi fericit te uiţi în dreapta şi vezi că perna iţi zâmbeşte maliţios înapoi. sarcastic şi dureros. şi scurta incursiune în tărâmul inconştientului subconştient lasă brusc un gust amar de bitter suedez, cu deosebirea că în cantităţi mari nu te ameţeşte.

deci eu votez pentru coşmaruri. pentru că te fac fericit că viaţa ta e mai bună de atât. că de fapt nu ţi-au mâncat căinii piciorul, doar îţi amorţise de la frig, uitat în afara plăpumii. că nu dai examen la sport, ci doar la lexic şi semantică (mult mai accesibil). că nu te vânează poliţia, era doar filmul din seara precedentă.

mult mai bine aşa.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

din nou in oraşul lalalelelor



experimentul piteşti partea a doua.

partea întâi s-a petrecut acum aproape un an şi s-a lăsat cu prietenii frumoase şi amintiri pentru toată viaţa. the tulimpics.

ieri mă urcam în autocar pentru partea a doua, cu prietenii deja formate din bucureşti, vamă... şi draga de doris asigurată de ionescu ne-a dus şi ne-a binedispus cu film care se termina cu ei doi împăcându-se. iar în piteşti dragul de andi ne-a dus şi ne-a binedispus cu bomboane până la hush.

hush e un club-restaurant de vizavi de teatru. sau aşa ceva. frumos acolo, plăcut, curat la baie :">. cam uscător la buzunare, altfel. intrarea - cu toate insistenţele lui codruţ, că suntem prieteni cu ăia, că am venit din bucureşti...- 15 ron. nota de plată umflată cu nişte beri şi sucuri. bacşiş gras, că noi suntem finuţi.

la concert, s-a cantat frumos (ca de obiceiu), s-a dansat mai pe furiş, că veniseră piteştenii la restaurant şi nu se vedea de noi. eu m-am potrivit în spatele-lateralul boxelor din dreapta scenei şi m-am bucurat de un concert printre costin şi cristi. dar bine fu şi aşa, chiar am fost de ajutor când voia costică scrumieră şi i-am adus eu, că, de, cânta, nu putea să plece. sau putea, dar a fost mai bine aşa. dan a uitat one time-ul, dar s-a revanşat cu foarte frumoase alte cântece ştiute bine. szaby a cântat frumos, ca de obicei, numa ca s-a dezlanţuit pe solo cu nişte acorduri de mulţi ani trăiască/lamulţiani cu sănătate/nuştiu,că eram beată. crissu a rupt vreo 3 beţe. sau 3 perechi. a dat şi lu dragoş la final un băţ rupt, la cerere. a făcut un solo cam lung şi nesărat, în rest nimic de reproşat. şi cine mai era? a, da...codruţ :)) zîmbăreţ, pupăcios, mi-a promis că ne dă un bax de postere să facem ce-om vrea cu ele. a, şi motanu cu poveşti din joace şi bancuri, şi alex haios şi somnoros, ca noi toţi în autocar la întoarcere.

după concert, am dormit într-un anume garden, în care fusesem şi astă-vară şi nu mi-a plăcut, şi ne-am mutat într-un alt loc nefericit, să ne mâncăm minţile, după ce le băusem în prealabil. SĂ NU MĂNÂNCI NICIODATĂ LA DOLPHINS!!! pfff... ce explozie de gusturi! care de care mai dubioase! tacâmurile miroseau a ciorba, puiul şanhai mirosea a ciorba...numai ciorba andrei mirosea a altceva. de arătat nu mai vorbesc. frumos a fost însă în compania selectă a traurmatizaţilor, bătaie cu mâncare şi fulare. şi şerveţele. la final piteştiul a sărbătorit plecarea bucureştenilor :)).

la întoarcere am dormit cu toţii, inclusiv motanul, alex şi szaby, care au venit cu noi din motive obscure mie acum. dar am vazut răsăritul în timp ce restul dormeau şi m-am simţit blazzată.

Am vazut chipul tau intr-un geam
Intunecat de vagon de cale ferata
Zorii m-au prins privindu-te
Oamenii dormeau chirciti mofturos
Peste tot imprejurul meu si
Mi-am cerut iertare pentru ei.

mă uitam la soare. de fapt, vorba lui dragoş, la dunga aia roşie de dinaintea soarelui.

a, şi...for the record. dragos s-a dat la mine! pârâţi-l lui penny. (nu că ce i-au făcut loghi şi florin n-ar fi fost destul de rău ;)))

p.s. uitasem! cea mai tare fază... pentru mine, că memorabile au mai fost, dar merg mai bine povestite pe viu. cand am ajuns, toata lumea a tăbărât pe dan şi eu am rămas la urmă...nu voiam să mă duc...da voiam să mă duc nuştiuunde şi trebuia să trec pe lângă el...şi mă duc eu tiptil...se uită la mine, mă opresc. "ai venit să ne vezi?" "mhm" "şi vrei să mă pupi?" :"> l-am pupat, na... şi la plecare n-a mai fost aşa ciudat, am pupat fără nicio treabă şi pe el, ca şi pe toată lumea. glad i got this over with. i knew the first time would be awkward :))